BTT - Brain Candy

The question was:

Do you ever crave reading crappy books?

I presume that "crappy books" means "guilty pleasures" or "brain candy" and so the answer is:

Not for very long, because I will just go ahead and read them. 

My guiltiest pleasure is Dominick Dunne, who was so much fun.  But his novels are speculative gossip crafted into fiction and that just isn't good for you.  I have two of his novels left on my shelf aong with a book of his early Vanity Fair essays.

Kennedy family biographies.  Luckily, I have Schlesinger's A Thousand Days on my shelf for the next time that craving hits, so I won't have to read crap.  Which leads to several other books that I rather consider guilty pleasures, but theoretically have some redeeming value.  Like Star Wars novels.  And Bob Greene, which I would call schmaltz, rather than crap.

I haven't read any of these in an awfully long time.  Although I did read that last Dan Brown book not too long ago.  I must still be doing penance for that.

And don't get me started, because I am on the Christmas novels now!

Ways I Torture Myself Every Season

Are you familiar with Ovation TV?  Artsy-fartsy cable channel.  Every year, they do a "Battle of the Nutcrackers", where they play the performances of a bunch of different companies and viewers vote on which they like the best.  I often have it on as background TV during the holiday season. 

Every year, the post-modern goofy stuff wins: 

This was the Americans, gang.  So I've taken to calling it "Battle of the Goofy-Ass Nutcrackers".  This year, the U.S. isn't represented.  The French have taken up the goofy-ass mantle.  And this year, Sarah Jessica is hosting. 

I'm sorry to be a purist, but I don't believe that as long as I live, I will ever see The Nutcracker done better than the one Baryshnikov did in 1977.  So excuse me for posting this rather long video, because I am going to need easy access to it for a bit.

The Zookeeper's Wife, by Diane Ackerman

Book 45

The Zookeeper's Wife, by Diane Ackerman, was a random pick, except that I it was another war history.  It is the story of the family that owned and operated the Warsaw Zoo during World War II.  Once the zoo was bombed to pieces, and the animals either run off, killed, or shipped to German zoos, the Zabinskis used their property to hide Jews and other fugitives with the Underground movements in Poland.

Besides the fact the it was a story of courage and survival, I also appreciated that this book reminds me that:

1. The War started long before Pearl Harbor.
2. The Russians were not The Good Guys.
3. In fact, about the worst place on Earth you could be is between the Nazis and the Red Army.

Ackerman did some fine research, between the journals and interviews and public records.  I am grateful, because this was a story that needed to be told.

Bookshelf of Shame

Tribune columnist Mary Schmich was inspired by Oprah (don’t roll your eyes) to talk about a concept she called the “bookshelf of shame”:

“All of us, at least all of us who like to read, have a bookshelf of shame: that psychic space, or bedside table, crammed with Important Books and Important Authors that we think we should have read, but haven't.

The works of Samuel Beckett, Norman Mailer, Ayn Rand. "Exodus." "Animal Farm." "Middlemarch."

Oh, hell.

Just looking at my actual TBR bookcase, there are Ayn Rand and an awful lot of Mailer. There is Middlesex, the last book I bought not from the Clearance Section only to not read it. Truckload of Phillip Roth. I don’t think I have read a single Roth all year. And soooo many history books. The point of Mary’s article was to shut up and read, already. Good advice, except I have scarves to make now!

I have, at least, read Oprah’s two picks – Great Expectations and A Tale of Two Cities.

And Middlemarch.

About Cars

Weekend Assignment # 347: Car Crazy


Some people are car connoisseurs, able to discuss the finer points of 1960 Corvette engines, find or build replacement Model T parts, or argue the merits of the latest high-end Italian sports car. (Okay, maybe it's not the same person in each of these scenarios, but you get the idea.) Other people know a lot about their own beloved car and its automotive brethren, but not much about other cars. Still others are mostly just concerned whether their car still gets them to work and back safely. How about you? Do you pay attention to automotive trends, or quickly identify the unusual car sitting next to you at the light? What is the extent of your knowledge and interest in cars?

Extra Credit: If a long lost rich uncle insisted on buying you any car you wanted, as long as you promised to keep it and drive it around, what kind would you get?
 
I love driving.  I have always loved driving.  Before I could drive, I dreamed about driving.  In fact, the last couple of years, as my commute has been really aggravating, I have worried that I might actually lose my love for driving. 
 
That would make me mad.
 
I am not, however, a connoisseur.  I fancied that I could be.  I once had posters of Italian sports cars in my bedroom.  (Next to Walter Payton and James Dean.)  But in reality, my love is more of an open-road, wind-in-my-hair, independent Americana kind of love.  In fact, all of my cars have been SUVs - Ford or GM. 
 
I love a good road trip.  But I don't even do that like a normal person. I keep saying that I am going to stop to see the World's Largest Ball of Twine or whatever, but I never do.  Because driving for twelve hours straight is fun.  I remember a couple of years ago when I drove by myself to South Dakota.  I said I was going to see Mt. Rushmore and not talk to anyone for five days except to say, "Yes, I would like fries with that."
 
It. Was. Awesome.
 
I went to Hawaii earlier this year.  The volcano was on the other side of the island from my hotel and it was a good 2.5 hour drive to get there.  I got to drive for two and a half hours in Hawaii.  And at the end, there was a volcano!  It was great! 
 
And I am doing it again next year.
 
The truth is that if I had a rich uncle that wanted to buy me a car, it wouldn't be the biggest deal.  My fantasy doesn't involve zero to sixty in .04 seconds.  It is to have more than one car - one for summer and one for winter.  Of course, that would require a bigger garage...

The Swan Thieves, by Elizabeth Kostova

Book 44

The Swan Thieves is the second novel by Elizabeth Kostova, author of The Historian.  The Historian, which was often called "The Da Vinci Code for Dracula people", was a lot of fun, so when The Swan Thieves popped up at the Library's Used Book Store, I snatched it right up.

I wasn't expecting Dickens here, but I was still disappointed.

The premise was great.  A psychiatrist takes on the case of a mad artist that tried to slash a painting in the National Gallery.  Art and crazy people.  Awesome.

The artist won't talk, so the doctor starts to play detective.  Interviews the ex-wife.  And the ex-lover.  And some colleagues.  Reads some letters views some paintings.  Kostova is very careful to dance around the fact that the doctor doesn't do anything illegal in his research.  The artist authorized him to talk with his family.  And the ex-lover.  And read the letters.  I started to feel icky.  And that was before he started sleeping with the ex-lover.

I seem to be reading a lot of these novels that go back and forth in time and solve the mystery.  This, like many, is much less interesting in "the present" than in the flashbacks.  And the story really dragged in the middle.  The ending was satisfying, but not surprising.

Moving on now.

Regarding the First Snowfall of the Season

Dear Cook County:

Thank you for making this first "storm" of the season a non-event.

I was out the door at 8:30 Saturday morning.  The streets were passable, the drivers reasonable and even the shoppers made an effort to not double park all day long.  Obviously, it helped that the snow fell over a Friday night and Saturday morning.

The kids had a great time, I didn't see any car accidents and there were only a few traffic lights out.  Well done.

However.  Please note that "passable" streets are not the same as "clean" streets.  What works over a weekend will not work over a Monday morning commute.  There is still plenty of slush and ice covering the roads and I have not seen any trucks out today.  (Although admittedly, I haven't left the house since kickoff at noon.)

I appreciate that the drivers needed a rest and it is their weekend, too.  (And you are trying not to spend my tax dollars on overtime pay.)  But it has been a full 24 hours since the snow stopped.  Please get this done before morning.

Thanks for your attention.

Thoughts on Airport Security

I was asked recently for my thoughts regarding the new security scanners and pat downs at the airport, so here goes:

First, I believe I mentioned a few months ago that I wore a new bra to the airport that set off the metal detector.  The pat down that I received that day was serious.  I remember thinking it was pretty embarrassing, not just because I was being molested, but because I was being molested in full view of a few hundred other people in broad daylight.  Obviously, I don't wear that to the airport anymore.

Nothing remotely that dramatic happened during the two pat downs I went through this past month.  But I have to say I understand the people saying they felt violated by the process. 

I have only been through the new scanners once or twice.  I didn't have much of a problem with them.  However, they were not monitored in a private room, as we were told they would.  I could see the man looking at the scanner shots when I picked up my bag.  To be fair, it has been a few months since I was sent through the scanner, so this may have been corrected for the holiday travel season.

One new thing popped up when I came home from Washington. I walked through the metal detector and some sort of light flashed at the TSA agent.  He asked me to step aside and another agent swabbed my hands and sent the sample through another machine.  I remember the swab thingy being used on one of my bags on an earlier trip.  After a few seconds, I was waived through.  I don't know what they were looking for, or what may have triggered the extra analysis.  Although I had just put on some hand cream before getting into the line.

An article was going around Facebook that the reason for the new scanners was that someone that had a lot to gain pushed it through Congress.  That would tick me off.  But I can't say that the new procedures, on average, take much longer than they did six months ago.  And I am sorry to tell you that I am more worried about my time than my privacy in this case.  If I am going to get cranky about something in the security line, it is more likely to be the family of six that  doesn't know the rules and tries to push through a stroller with apple juice strapped to the back. 

Someone should deal with them.

I don't see a bunch of outraged people at the airport.  Mostly, we all just shut up and go through the motions.  We seem to understand that in the line on the day we plan to travel is not the time to make a statement.  Does that mean the terrorists have won? 

Mobile Boarding Passes

United Airlines has been using mobile phone boarding passes for several months now.  Passengers can check in to a flight online and have an electronic boarding pass e-mailed to their phones.  The e-mail has a code - sort of like a UPC code - that is scanned at both the security line and at the boarding gate.  This is a totally paperless process.

I used it once over the summer.  I didn't trust the process yet, so I printed a boarding pass at home just in case.  It worked just fine but I didn't like having to have my phone out, on, lit up and open to that document, so I didn't use it again.  However, I can be bribed.  So when United sent me an e-mail offering me a thousand miles for each time I used a mobile boarding pass for the rest of the year, I tried it again.  After six flights in four different airports, here is my analysis:

1. It works.  Once you have the box code on the phone, it scans very nicely at both security and at the gate.  I didn't have any trouble with that.  However:
2. It is not available for all flights because not all airports have the scanner equipment.   For two of my six flights, I didn't have the option.
3. Even at O'Hare, not all security lines are equipped with the scanners.  Do you know how annoying it is to wait in a security line only to find that you can't use that line and have to go stand in another queue?  Totally unacceptable.
4. For one flight, I checked in on the phone and received the email boarding pass, but the code box did not appear.  You know that little symbol when there is supposed to be a picture but you can't see it?  I got that.  It only happened once, so I don't think it was my phone.
5. My trips were either one night or two nights, so I didn't bring the charger to my phone.  All three times, I worried about burning out my battery from keeping my phone screen continually active and lit in the queues.  And when my phone goes dark, it locks up and I have to punch in a password to open it again, so you don't want to lose that while you are in line.
6. You can't carry your boarding pass through the metal detector.  So if the TSA agent wants to see your information again, you have to wait for it to come out of the x-ray machine.  I didn't have that happen, but I worried about it.
7. I couldn't do anything else with my phone while the boarding pass was open and available.  Like check my email.

Bottom line:

In the Pro Column:  Being green and paperless, and not having to worry about how and where one might print off a boarding pass before heading to the airport.

In the Con Column:  Paper is a lot more handy than managing the process with a cell phone.

Checking In

So this is my schedule this week:

Monday morning:       Fly to Washington
Monday afternoon:     Work in Washington
Tuesday:                    Meetings in Washington
Wednesday morning:   Work in Washington
Wednesday afternoon: Fly home
Thursday morning:       Meetings at the office
Thursday afternoon:     Fly to Ohio
Friday morning:           Meetings in Ohio
Friday morning:           Fly home

I will be eating at Auntie Anne's Pretzels at least three times this week.  And right now, I am looking at my computer and thinking, "I don't feel like lugging you through O'Hare again."

I have taken big steps in the holiday shopping and am right now working overtime on the handmade gifts.    Which means I am not getting any reading done.  I am sure I will still make the 50 Book Challenge, but I might be marathon reading that last week.  Again.  This is particularly bad because I went into Half Price Books in Palatine and found four things in the Clearance Section that I just had to have.

And speaking of that Half Price Books, the Wings Program relocated its Palatine store to that shopping center - between the book store and the TJ Maxx.  That would be the shopping center with the nearest Sonic Drive In to my house.  As if I needed one more reason to go there.

And now I need to finish packing.